she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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