Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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