dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
