What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
