I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
