problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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