playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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