Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
