my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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