I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
