apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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