True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
