i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
