when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
