i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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