Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
