Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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