he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
