The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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