she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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