If you die in college, do you die in real life?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
