just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
being pregnant is like rehab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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