Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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