I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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