drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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