dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
