I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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