You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
