do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
