that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
