Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
