it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
