six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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