There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
