I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hippo gnu deer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
