this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
