yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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