Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
