Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
