i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
