shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
