Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
