Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
