dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
