His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
