Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
