He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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