he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
