you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
