sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
