Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone shattered a urinal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
