I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
