whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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