I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
