i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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